Twilight sighed. She'd escaped from her friends due to them bringing up... Their romantic adventures and experiences. Particularly the naughty bits. Things she had no experience with.

Twilight: "I think my problem is that I just don't have any first hoof experience. Hmmm... I know!"

Shepherd the human was enjoying a day off... When Twilight teleported in above him

Twilight: "SHEPHERD!"

Shepherd: "Oh, hello Twilight."

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Back in the human archives, Shepherd is once again going around and checking vaults. Twilight Sparkle is trotting alongside him.

Twilight: "Okay... So that ghost was a bit troublesome. But that doesn't mean every human artifact is going to be trouble! That's statistically improbable!"

Shepherd: "I don't know why, but being human might just throw it all off."

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After Twilight and Shepherd get their heartbeats to a normal rate...

Pinkie: "So wait, ponies and humans have mixed DNA? Hmmm! I guess that might explain why we went from this," suddenly resembles a G1 pony, "to this!" Resembles a G3 Pony "And finally this!" Back to normal!

Shepherd: "For the love of God, NEVER DO THAT AGAIN. EVER."

Pinkie: "Sorry!"

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Twilight: "Oh my! A letter from Princess Celestia?! What could it be?"

Letter: "Dear Twilight Sparkle, you should be more aggressive with Shepherd. Here is what you need to do..."

Shepherd goes back to his home after the cake heist. He sighs as he heads into the living room.

Shepherd: "Geez... I got played by Rainbow Dash. Rainbow Dash! That's like Spock getting outwitted by a tribble."

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Shepherd is held in chains in front of Celestia in an Equestrian court.

Celestia: "Andrew Shepherd! You stand accused of breaking hearts and leading on many needy mares!"

Shepherd: "Wha-That's a crime?!"

Celestia: "IT IS NOW!"

Luna: "HEAR HEAR!"

Fluttershy: "YEAH! I-I mean, um... yeah!"

Applejack: "Ya man whore!"

Dash: "Oblivious stallion!"

Celestia: "I find you... Guilty on all charges!"

Pinkie: The lawyer "I can't believe we lost!"

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Shepherd is aroused in the middle of the night by loud talking outside his window. He slowly goes to the window, and groans. He opens it, and glares at Lyra, who is standing outside his house in a suit while a film crew records her.

Shepherd: "I swear to God Lyr-"

Lyra: "Welcome, my viewers! Once again, I will be discussing: The Unidentified Hominid-shaped Object and Human Abduction Conspiracy Theory!"

Shepherd: "I'm not unidentified! You know me!"

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Next they come across some timberwolves, that are blocking the only way across a river.

Shepherd: "Hmm... We need to get past them, but how?"

Shining: "Fighting them would just draw more of them down on us, so we need a way to distract them."

Shining was already plotting.

Shepherd: "Yeah but how?"

Shining shoves Shepherd into the open with his telekinesis. The timberwolves all look hungrily at the human as he hangs from the smug Shining's hoof via chains.

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Shepherd: "So... Twilight, I gotta ask: How exactly can we understand eachother?"

Twilight: "What do you mean?"

Shepherd: "I'm literally from another planet. Maybe another universe Yet you also speak English? I mean I know the multiverse is infinite and all but even so, that seems a little... Unlikely. For a certain set of infinity, I mean."

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In Shepherd's dreams...

Shepherd looks around at the Krusty Krab.

Shepherd: "This is weird... Why Spongebob? Oh well..."

Luna: "Hello Shepherd."

Shepherd: "Oh, hey Princess Luna! How goes it?"

Luna: "It goes well. I heard my sister offered you a... Proposition."

Shepherd: sighs "Yes."

Luna: "To become the mother of your children?"

Shepherd: "Yes."

Luna: "I see... You know, I'd be happy to take that responsibility."

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A number of stallions trot up to Shepherd as he has a hard cider with Big Macintosh.

Shepherd: "Hey guys. What can I do for you?"

Lucky: "We want your body fluids!"

Shepherd: "Pardon?"

Caramel: "Well... Basically, we want to know why you're so attractive to mares!"

Thunderlane: "Stop stealing our mares, you jerk! You got pony fever, boy! PONY FEVER!"

Caramel: pushes him aside "Don't mind him. Point is, what's the deal? Some kind of alien mind control?"

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Meanwhile in Ponyville, the coup and installation of Emperor Shepherd the First had gone unnoticed until it arrived by telegram. Twilight Sparkle read it, rolled her eyes, and sought out Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie. Dash was napping on a cloud, while Pinkie Pie was trying to play tiddlywinks.

Twilight: "Haha, very funny Rainbow Dash. And Pinkie, this seems like one of your pranks too."

Dash: "Huh? What's so funny?"

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Dash: "Seriously Shepherd? We all want to bang you! There are like a dozen mares who want to buck you!"

Shepherd: "Yes, and if I do buck you all, I'll just spend all my time doing that."

Dash: "... And?"

Shepherd: "Yeah, and I don't want to spend ALL my time doing that. Do you?"

Dash: "... Tartarus yes I would!"

Shepherd: "Really? All the time? No breaks? No reading? No cooking?"

Dash: "... Well we wouldn't make you buck us all, all the time..."

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After yet another attempt at getting Sunburst to accept her romantic feelings... Yet another attempt that failed horribly... Starlight slams down at the Cutie Map table and sobs into her front hooves as Shepherd and Spike sat playing cards.

Starlight: SOB "HOW CAN HE KEEP DOING THIS TO ME?! I'VE GIVEN EVERY SINGLE HINT A MARE CAN GIVE!"

Spike: "Maybe he's not into you that way?"

Starlight: "HE CAN'T BE! HOW COULD HE NOT BE?! I'LL TURN INTO A STALLION IF I NEED TO!"

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Twilight was once again doing some research on Shepherd, and analyzing the data from her sensors attached to him. Shepherd was working very hard on staying patient.

Shepherd: sigh "... Twilight-"

Twilight: "Not yet... I'm not finished..."

Shepherd: "I am."

Twilight: "Not yet!"

Shepherd: "I'm going to pull off the sensors-"

Twilight: "Just a second! And... Done!"

She beams at him.

Shepherd: "Okay... And your conclusion is...?"

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Twilight: "Sorry your body wouldn't accept the magic cloud walking spell, Shepherd! I'm working on it, don't you worry!"

Shepherd: In the balloon "I'm all right! Just keep me anchored, please."

Twilight: "Don't worry dear! You'll be fine!"

Cue the Sonic Rainbow!

While everypony else is cheering... Shepherd is blown away in the hot air balloon.

Twilight: "OH WOW RAINBOW DASH THAT WAS SO AMAZING AND-Oh dear where is Shepherd?! WHERE IS MY BALLOON?!"

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Twilight: "Hello Shepherd! What's that smell?"

Shepherd: "Well, given you need more calories as an alicorn, I thought I'd whip you up some Earth foods packed with energy!"

Twilight: "Oh, that is so sweet-What did you make?"

Shepherd: "A full Mexican platter! Tamales, tacos, and-"

Twilight: "QUESADILLAS?!"

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Shepherd is in Twilight's lab again...

Shepherd: "Do we have to keep doing this, Twilight?"

Twilight: "You are literally the only human I have! The only human on this entire planet! You evolved in an ecosystem without any magic! You are completely unique!"

Shepherd: "Says the magic alicorn."

Twilight: "Well, that's not very unique on this planet! You are! So we need to examine you as you continue to adapt to our environment!"

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Celestia: "Shepherd... As your guardian, I need to make sure you have a thorough understanding of the birds and the bees."

Shepherd: "Uh... Miss Celestia, I'm not actually a teenager. I know how sex works."

Celestia: "I know, but the state mandates that I make sure you do."

Shepherd: sigh "Fine... We read a book on anatomy and I pass a test, right?"

Celestia smiles, goes to the door to her office... And locks it.

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Luna visited Shepherd in his dreams, as she often did.

Shepherd: "Mm? What can I do for you, Your Majesty?"

Luna: "it's a special request, really. I need your help."

Shepherd: "Eh? My help?"

Luna: "Yes. Would you like to help me?"

Shepherd: "It would help to know what I would be helping you with."

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Shepherd was invited to a private party by Pinkie Pie. This wasn't really unusual. It was unusual for her to not be greeting him in whipped cream and chocolate sprinkles. Instead, she had a strange metal cylinder dressed up in a party hat.

Pinkie: "Hi Shepherd! Look who I found! Out in the dump of human artifacts! This is Mister Dantive!"

Shepherd: "Dantive?"

Pinkie: "Yeah! It's what's on his name tag!"

Shepherd examines the cylinder, wipes off some tape and gunk on the labels...

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